i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
