I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
