im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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