i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Someone signed my nipple.
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