VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
