someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize