why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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