you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
