Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
