Well apparently he's into motor boating.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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