I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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