Duck Duck Cougar?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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