why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
