I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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