we have pet lesbian snakes
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
