She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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