you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
