in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
