so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
