So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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