Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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