Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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