It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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