Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
