White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
