so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
