When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
