Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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