I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
