I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
