Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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