have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
