Will you blow on my dice?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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