Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
