He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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