I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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