love makes seman taste better
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
