so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
