Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
