I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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