we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
A+ Viking dick
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
