if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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