We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize