You're so nebulous sometimes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
