Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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