does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize