I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think i peed on brittanys purse
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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