3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
