Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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