We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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