What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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