dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
