If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
