mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
