You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize