Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
