the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
