Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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