I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
