I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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