I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
