I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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