if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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