oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
