So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
