I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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