dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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