i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
