i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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