I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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