i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
