I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He called his prostate his "boner button".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
