Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
