Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
