Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
