Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
