I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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