I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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