Whod you bang
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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